The "Middle"

If you’ve ever watched the hit tv show Malcolm in the Middle you probably laughed until you couldn’t laugh anymore. I only watched the show a couple times but it was funny none the less. The middle, in a sense, can be an area of comfort. Such as riding on a plane for the first time, I would have to be in the middle…not close to the windows but not an aisle seat either. Just snug and protected in the middle. For some the middle can be that time in your life after your twenty’s but before you hit the good “ole senior days”. Just dragging through life wondering where your “glory days” went and what is there to look forward to in the near future. For others the middle can be the most terrifying time in your life--waiting for a diagnosis, waiting to hear from a family member, waiting for test results. Well my middle area kind of combines these all into one word…UNCERTAINTY.

As many know our youngest son, whose is now 8, was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in 2015. With this diagnosis came some relief because we finally had a name for what was wrong with our son in the eyes of others. Our son has violent meltdowns that have resulted in a lot of missed school time due to suspensions. He get very anxious, needs constant routine and reassurance, has low self-esteem and has trouble understanding and expressing his emotions. Our fight for Caiden to receive services at school to help him began shortly after we received the diagnosis and continues today. This is where my “Middle” part begins.

I have been living in the dreaded feelings of anxious, worry, sadness, fear, anger, hurt, frustration, the list can go on and on. This middle area has not given me comfort; it has given me stress. It has not made me laugh; it’s made me cry. This area has not made me look to the future; it’s made me question the future and search for explanation in the past. This middle area of not knowing if today will be the day he has a meltdown and is suspended again. The middle is being at work and your heart jumping in your throat when the phone rings wondering if it’s the school. The middle is dreading to answer the phone when you see the caller id and know it’s the school calling. The middle is frustration when you have pleaded time and time again for help and you are met with “but he doesn’t qualify.” The middle is trying to explain the reasoning behind his meltdowns at the same time trying to understand it in your own mind and struggling with “am I a bad mom.” The middle is sadness when you see the kids faces looking at your son after he has a meltdown and you have to do the “walk of shame” out of school. The middle is hurt when your son looks at you and says “I don’t deserve a house, a car, a school, a family because I am bad and everyone thinks I am bad. The middle is anger when asking for something from the school and being denied not once, not twice but over and over. The middle is heartbreaking having to hear your son recount what happened during a meltdown where school personnel restrained him for the 100^th time (it seems like). T

his middle area has been looming over me and my family and its caused us great strain. We are not out of the middle’s grasp just yet. We have so much more work to do to help our son have the rights as others do. We have so much to prove; even though he has a diagnosis, we must prove he can’t control himself because in the eyes of others he looks normal. No one wants to fight for their child to be seen as someone who has something wrong with them. However, we have to fight for this very reason just to get our son help at school. The middle is a scary, sad, lonely place at times. Every day is a struggle for our family. It’s a struggle that we are willing to fight so our 8 year old son can go to school, have friends, and come home everyday feeling successful. Our fight is to have our son be successful not only with test scores but in life, in relationships, in faith, in love, in becoming the best person he can become. And for this we will continue to address and fight the middle area all in the name of “Caiden.”

 

 

 

"He Will Grow Out of It"...

To People Who Say “He Will Grow Out of It”

My son Caiden was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism in 2015. To understand where we are now you must know how we got to the diagnosis. Caiden was a very smart child and did many things before he should have. He was walking independently before he was 12 months, speaking sentences and fully potty trained before he was 2. Caiden had behavior issues start between the age of 2-3. The behaviors were yelling, throwing things, hitting people, biting, etc. The problems only occurred at daycare. We saw a behavior specialist and voiced our concerns and the doctor suggested changing his daycare. We made this change and to our surprise Caiden’s behaviors stopped. He would have a temper tantrum like normal children but nothing like his previous behaviors.

Then at the age of 4 when Caiden started Pre-K we noticed more “odd” behaviors. Caiden spoke about himself in the third person, did not like getting dirty, needed time limits and numbers on everything, was anxious, and very literal in his speaking. At this time we did not know these are all signs of High Functioning Autism.

Fast forward 4 years, Caiden is now 8 years old and in the 2^nd grade. He is performing well above his peers and reading on a 6^th grade level. He still struggles with his behavior which is typical of children on the Autism Spectrum. Children with High Functioning Autism need structure, structure, did I say they need structure? Structure is a must for these children to be successful. Caiden has trouble understanding social cues and making friends. Therapy is the key to helping children on the spectrum become productive citizens of society. I had someone tell me the other day “Oh he will grow out of that”. Autism is not something you grow out of. It is a lifelong disability that can be managed through therapies. There is no cure. The sooner you receive a diagnosis and start therapies the sooner you will have the tools you need to be successful. 1 in 68 children are being diagnosed each day with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Boys are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed.

Austim is a complex neurobehavioral disorder that includes impairments in social interaction and developmental language and communication skills combined with rigid, repetitive behaviors. So to the people who think “He will just grow out of it”, he won’t because Autism is a disability and not something you chose. It’s a part of who God made him to be and our family has made it our mission to help Caiden become the best Caiden he can be.

Fit In???

Our family has had a rough couple of years. Yes we have made it through but the fight is far from over. Sometimes the fight seems endless and sometimes I have to be reminded why we are still fighting and in the same boat we were 2 years ago. Our youngest son Caiden was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism in 2015. He had behavior problems at school and his first grade teacher would insist over and over and over again that Caiden was ADHD and needed to be on medicine. Now Caiden was doing great with his grades. Heck he is above average in every area, but this teacher kept insisting that Caiden would refuse to do his work, shut down, yell, scream, throw things, and have to be removed from class. So what do parents do? We talked with Caiden, made a behavior plan at home and school, and nothing worked. We saw a behavior specialist and he wanted to put Caiden on medicine and we had only seen him one time. ABSOLUTELY NOT.... so we went for a second opinion. This other behavior specialist said we needed to have Caiden tested for Autism. So we did that and as he predicted Caiden was diagnosed with High Functiong Autism what used to be called Asperger Syndrome. I have done so much research in the last 12 months i think i would bleed Autism information if I were cut. But the cuts and bruises I have are inside and most everyone will never see that. See, our soon to be 8 year old son faces so many challeneges in the school system and til this day it has gotten worse not better. Our son has been restrained numerous times so many we lost count. He has been suspended and had to be picked up missing half days of school to the amount of 20 days in the last 13 months. And do you think the school has made any changes to benefit him???? ABSOLUTELY NOT.. We continue to fight for Caiden to prove he has a disability even though we have a professional diagnosis. The school says things like....

1. He is too smart.
2. His grades are above average so he doesn't qualify for an IEP.
3. He is being willifully disobedient.
4. He knows what he is doing is wrong.
5. He doesn't like the way the teacher was teaching so he had a meltdown.
6. We didn't know what to do for Autism in the school setting so we had to Google it.
7. We can't have Caiden come to school and abuse us.
8. Caiden is a very smart boy but...

No where in here are there options to help Caiden. The school has given him a behavior plan and tools to use when he gets upset, however, the staff forgot to give him the tools which resulted in 3 meltdowns. He has had 5 meltdowns in the last month. What kind of life is this for a special needs child? To me it seens like the school is waiting for our son to fall to pieces before they help him, because his disabilty has not affected his test scores. So the school would rather tramuatize a child not once, not twice, not three times, but over and over and over again instead of giving him an IEP and doing real things that will help him be successful in school. I have prayed for God to protect our baby boy at school because I feel helpless knowing that he may get restrained and be crying out for me to help and I can't help because  I am at work. We have not given up and we won't give up fighting for our son to be given the same chances every other child has. We won't give up fighting for Caiden to be seen as a child with a disability instead of a child who is disobedient. We won't stop fighting for his rights. The greatest question is why do the schools want to make every child fit into a mold when each child is different and deserves to be treated and taught differently if necessary

. Our son is Caiden Vaughn and he has Autism. No you can't tell it by looking at him. God has trusted us to be his parents and as his parents we will protect, fight, love, pray, and nuture him all the days of our lives. Why should Caiden be made to fit in their mold when God created him to stand out???